I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
