you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
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It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
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If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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