have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
