Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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