I got chris browned last night
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
