Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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