I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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