I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
