well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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