I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
