I think I just saw someone hide a body.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
