Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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