you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
