Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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