found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
This is my gift to your gina
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
