Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
