Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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