The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
