Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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