Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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