Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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