My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
