I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
