The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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