I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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