3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
