Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
