Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
