so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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