She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
