Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
