eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
