I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize