So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
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She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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