I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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