I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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