I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
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I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
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I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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