we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
