the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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