google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
