you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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