We won't sleep together?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
