I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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