i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
