I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
This house was built for laser tag.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
