I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
