I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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