When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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