Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you have to choose: penises or morals?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
