yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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