My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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