I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
