this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
