my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
