I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
