i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
