Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
