I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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