You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
