i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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