WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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