if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
And then my night got REAL pukey
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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