I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
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