I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
