my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
