i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
