well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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