you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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