So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
